My Greatest Regrets

I don't know if you are here.
I can't tell if you can hear me.
I may just be speaking into a void,
and if that is the case,
I know I must say this anyway.

You are one of the best people
to have come into my life in
a long while.
I hate that I wasn't ready.
I hate that I treated you awfully.
I wish I'd have been
a better man.

I miss your voice
your words
your confidence
your wisdom
your compassion
your whit
you.

I felt physical things for you,
but just recall my actions.
I did not simply objectify you.
I did not touch you,
when I thought I could.
I pushed back,
and I held back.
I never lost sight of
you.

I assume my hurtfulness
has cost us any chance of
us.
Maybe my hurtfulness
demonstrates a potential reason
we might not work anyway.

But whatever becomes of us,
I care very deeply about you.

I want you to know that
you are lovely
brilliant
amazing
different
not normal
in all the right ways.

I objectified you
but not only as a sex object.
The worst way I did this was to
push you away
pull you back
push you away
again.
You are not an object,
and I can't throw you out
of my heart.

Out of my own brokenness
I hurt a really great person.
I treated you like an object
when all I ever really wanted to do
was treat you like
a princess.

Hurting you is one of
my greatest regrets.
I miss you everyday that I

breathe.