Life's Shakeups

At 3:19am in my San Jose apartment, I was still trying to find a comfortable position in bed when I turned onto my side, experiencing a familiar phenomenon. Lying just right on an artery, my heartbeat created a vibration in my senses that I often initially mistake for an earthquake.

Because of my familiarity, having done this a number of times before, I knew not to trust the feeling, but to listen to my home. If the walls were not creaking, and the closet doors were not rattling, then this was not an earthquake. Without external evidence, I conclude that the sensation was a self-created mirage; a delusion of my own mind.

In that moment, my thoughts went to my closest friends. They had not yet felt an earthquake since moving to the Bay Area, from the midwest, nearly a year ago. Feeling their first earthquake would be a christening of sorts, and I had been telling recently how excited I was that it would hopefully happen soon.

I often think of these friends, thinking philosophically about choices, identity and our pursuits for happiness. Our homes were recently shaken up, figuratively speaking. Events disrupted the normalcy of our lives, derailed many perceptions, and redirected our intentions. This emotional earthquake changed the landscapes of our identities and relationships, influencing each of us to reexamine our feelings and choices. In my opinion, these changes have been for the better. This figurative earthquake was a crucible in which we were being forged into braver and better people.

My philosophical musings were interrupted a minute after they began. My closet doors were rattling. I immediately leapt out of bed, taking pressure off of the artery, to try to confirm that the shaking continued through a change in position. The earth was shaking beneath me.

My thoughts about earthquakes had immediately preceded the tectonic event, which lent considerable doubt in my mind to the legitimacy of my experience. I also often doubt my own initial perceptions, having repeatedly experienced how deceptive they can be. In one part, I was completely confident that this earthquake had just happened. Another part of me was looking to ensure that my delusions had not just taken a more compelling form. I grabbed my phone to text my friend, announcing the quake, and seeking further external evidence that I wasn't deceiving myself.

My friend promptly replied to inform me that they had both been awakened by their first significant earthquake. The next morning, I also confirmed the earthquake had been a magnitude 6.1 event in the north bay region between Napa and Vallejo.

Reflecting on our emotional and physical earthquakes, I am reminded of the importance of accountability and solidarity. The earth reminds us not to take for granted the solid ground beneath our feet. When our world starts shaking, our friends and communities provide us encouragement to grow in ways we may have never considered. While ensuring we recover, they also hold up a mirror we may never otherwise look upon. We can be confident our experiences are more than personal delusions and self-fulling prophecies because our friends and our communities are there to confirm that our feelings are shared, or at least legitimate, and to work through life's shakeups with us.

*The quake that hit the Napa area this morning is significant. The physical earthquake has caused damage and injured people. As a community, we will take care of their needs, and ensure their recovery and ongoing wellbeing. The author is not intending to minimize nor neglect the practical needs and tragedy this seismic event has created.