I've sat in this asylum for longer than I can remember. The most I'd moved was the distinct rock forward and back, my shoulders swaying to a tune only I could hear. My forehead would come within centimeters of the white wall. Long ago I used to hit the wall with my head, but they put a stop to that quick enough. My eyes wide open, my nearsightedness has been an advantage. I can pick out the little cracks and textures of the wall. I've memorized them. They'd come into focus with each forward rock, and blur with each lean back. They were my cracks and textures. This was my wall. This was my little bit of this big world.
So, when the therapists came, and they showed me what the world looks like when you aren't just staring at the same wall all day, I was impressed by the colors and all the new things to see. Everything was a blur. I'd never needed glasses before, and I chose to give no indication I needed them now. I just enjoyed watching the blurs. I would giggle like a little school girl, and bounce up and down.
"I want that! I want that!" I would scream as I bounced.
"Thank you," I'd tell them. "I am so happy to finally see all this! There is so much here! I love it all."
I wish I had told them I could only see a few inches past my own nose. I wish they'd told me seeing all this, standing among it all day and being expected to remember the significance of all the little details, would be so exhausting.
It didn't take long before I missed my wall. I missed the familiar cracks and textures.
Then she stepped up close to me, and hooked her arms around my neck. I rocked forward and back, and she rocked with me. She pulled my face down close to hers, so her nose touched mine. Her blue eyes smiled up at me. I knew her. She came to visit all the time. I think she was my wife, but I couldn't remember exactly. All I knew from the way she looked at me was that she thought of me as fondly as I thought of my wall. She knew all my cracks and textures. She had memorized every one of them. I was her little bit of this big world. I was her wall.
I wondered if she wanted to be my wall, too.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Saturday, September 13, 2014
For That Warm and Fuzzy Feeling
I'm not a Christian anymore. Nor am I looking to return to Bible thumping. Nonetheless, there are some verses that still come to mind that speak to my current situation, and I'll catch myself flipping open a Bible to remind myself exactly how they read.
Like fortune cookies and horoscopes, the Bible has plenty of content that is so generic it can resonate with any situation. That's what I call great marketing!
“Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"
- Matthew 6:27
Um… no. In the literal sense, it's an obvious biological question. As sage advice, however, it's essentially telling the reader to stop worrying about things that can't be controlled.
I get hung up on worrying often, and I find myself in need of advice like this. It's not because the answer isn't obvious. It's because I just need encouragement that I am going to be okay.
The fundamental problem with generic advice, though, is that it doesn't really apply to you at all. Sure, it might be so plain that you can wiggle it into your own context and feel great about it. But, generic input does not know the nuances of your actual situation, so there's a chance that you are just packing baloney into crevices meant for more substantial things.
If I'm ever looking for a warm and fuzzy feeling, I know I can always crack open a fortune cookie, read a horoscope, or flip open a Bible to one of those feel-good verses. However, if I'm looking for real encouragement, and real feedback on my current situation, I have found that my friends and loved ones are the best resources!
Like fortune cookies and horoscopes, the Bible has plenty of content that is so generic it can resonate with any situation. That's what I call great marketing!
“Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"
- Matthew 6:27
Um… no. In the literal sense, it's an obvious biological question. As sage advice, however, it's essentially telling the reader to stop worrying about things that can't be controlled.
I get hung up on worrying often, and I find myself in need of advice like this. It's not because the answer isn't obvious. It's because I just need encouragement that I am going to be okay.
The fundamental problem with generic advice, though, is that it doesn't really apply to you at all. Sure, it might be so plain that you can wiggle it into your own context and feel great about it. But, generic input does not know the nuances of your actual situation, so there's a chance that you are just packing baloney into crevices meant for more substantial things.
If I'm ever looking for a warm and fuzzy feeling, I know I can always crack open a fortune cookie, read a horoscope, or flip open a Bible to one of those feel-good verses. However, if I'm looking for real encouragement, and real feedback on my current situation, I have found that my friends and loved ones are the best resources!
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
"F*ck Yes!" Passion*
In everything, strive to be so passionate in your choices that you can confidently say either "Fuck yes!" or "Fuck no!" about any one of them.
To help encourage you to live with "Fuck yes!"** passion, consider starting a "Fuck yes!" log or journal. Everyday, describe one choice you made for which you are this passionate, or one thing you are working to develop passion about.
There are inevitably some choices or commitments in your life about which you may not currently be "Fuck yes!" passionate. This challenge is not meant to push you to abandon those. Rather, explore your feelings about those. Write about a choice toward which you feel lukewarm, and break it down a little.
Are there elements that you are passionate about? Are there some negative passions, and other positive passions, all mixed together in a hard-to-deal-with passion soup?
Can your perspective or passions change? Is there a way to billow your passion for the lukewarm?
How can you reduce or eliminate the "Fuck no!" elements?
How can you create greater saturation of the "Fuck yes!" in your situation?
While breaking down the elements, try to appreciate that you are currently experiencing these elements with particular associations or from particular sources. The elements, though, might be available to you from other sources, or with other associations. I encourage you to creatively consider how you can get your "Fuck yes!" passions while feeling free to break some of the associations you may need to break in order to minimize or eliminate those "Fuck no!" elements. Your current situation is not your last resort!
That's all I've initially got on this, but if you have any questions or additional ideas that can build on this, please comment below.
*this idea comes from my friend, who is full of great ideas. Check out the rest of her blog while your there. She got it from here. Pass it on.
**I use the positive "Fuck yes!" but these ideas apply equally to "Fuck no!"
To help encourage you to live with "Fuck yes!"** passion, consider starting a "Fuck yes!" log or journal. Everyday, describe one choice you made for which you are this passionate, or one thing you are working to develop passion about.
There are inevitably some choices or commitments in your life about which you may not currently be "Fuck yes!" passionate. This challenge is not meant to push you to abandon those. Rather, explore your feelings about those. Write about a choice toward which you feel lukewarm, and break it down a little.
Are there elements that you are passionate about? Are there some negative passions, and other positive passions, all mixed together in a hard-to-deal-with passion soup?
Can your perspective or passions change? Is there a way to billow your passion for the lukewarm?
How can you reduce or eliminate the "Fuck no!" elements?
How can you create greater saturation of the "Fuck yes!" in your situation?
While breaking down the elements, try to appreciate that you are currently experiencing these elements with particular associations or from particular sources. The elements, though, might be available to you from other sources, or with other associations. I encourage you to creatively consider how you can get your "Fuck yes!" passions while feeling free to break some of the associations you may need to break in order to minimize or eliminate those "Fuck no!" elements. Your current situation is not your last resort!
That's all I've initially got on this, but if you have any questions or additional ideas that can build on this, please comment below.
*this idea comes from my friend, who is full of great ideas. Check out the rest of her blog while your there. She got it from here. Pass it on.
**I use the positive "Fuck yes!" but these ideas apply equally to "Fuck no!"
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Practicality and Defining Reality
In his post, Define "Real" - A is A, Jaxpagan discusses the kinds of philosophical questions the Matrix film encouraged us to ponder. Is anything we perceive real?
I found the post interesting and entertaining.
SPOILER ALERT.
Being a reasonable person, the author concludes that the issue is one of practicality and consistency. At one point, he writes, " 'A' seems to be 'A', as near as we can determine, so fuck it, let’s call it 'A. Done and done, let’s go get some shawarma."
In response to his conclusion, I considered the deeper meaning I find in this philosophical musing.
The issue of perception is important to me, though, not because I am concerned whether "real" objects are actually real, but because there are many things in my mind that turn out not to be real. I believe a person feels a particular way, and react to that belief, only to find that I was way off. I believe a decision is a good one, only to discover too late that it was not good at all. I believe I am perceived a particular way, only to encounter indications to the contrary.
The philosophy of perception is more than nerdy sci-fi. Perception shapes what we do, and if we are paying any attention at all, we know how wrong our perceptions can be. In such scenarios, I don't think I should go on simply accepting my own perceptions at face value. "A" seems like "A", but if it turns out to be "B", my next decision isn't going to succeed.
I find practicality in regularly questioning my own perceptions.
I found the post interesting and entertaining.
SPOILER ALERT.
Being a reasonable person, the author concludes that the issue is one of practicality and consistency. At one point, he writes, " 'A' seems to be 'A', as near as we can determine, so fuck it, let’s call it 'A. Done and done, let’s go get some shawarma."
In response to his conclusion, I considered the deeper meaning I find in this philosophical musing.
The issue of perception is important to me, though, not because I am concerned whether "real" objects are actually real, but because there are many things in my mind that turn out not to be real. I believe a person feels a particular way, and react to that belief, only to find that I was way off. I believe a decision is a good one, only to discover too late that it was not good at all. I believe I am perceived a particular way, only to encounter indications to the contrary.
The philosophy of perception is more than nerdy sci-fi. Perception shapes what we do, and if we are paying any attention at all, we know how wrong our perceptions can be. In such scenarios, I don't think I should go on simply accepting my own perceptions at face value. "A" seems like "A", but if it turns out to be "B", my next decision isn't going to succeed.
I find practicality in regularly questioning my own perceptions.
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Beliefs Matter
In his book, "Jews, God and History," I recall Max Dimont explaining why he was going to speak about God's influence on history without necessitating any particular belief about God's existence. I remember him arguing that people's action made history, and their beliefs inspired those actions. Therefore, because the people who made history believed in God, those beliefs about God influenced history. That is to say that beliefs matter, and are something to seriously consider.
Years before reading Dimont's history of the Jews, I sat in a philosophy class that covered debates regarding the existence of God. Our instructor presented Anselm's ontological argument that God, as the supreme being, is the greatest thing that can be conceived. Anselm's argument looked something like this:
(Belief + Existence) > Belief
Our instructor then went on to present the counter argument, saying that it was not philosophically sound to compare something to nothing. Listening to his explanation, I became troubled, because I found that the argument was reduced to this:
(Nothing + Something) > Nothing
Existence is something. We can agree there. However, the assumption that beliefs are nothing is something I found very troubling. I would wrestle with this for years until I picked up Max Dimont's history of the Jews. His explanation for how God, as a belief, shaped history spoke to my troubled mind and brought me clarity on the issue of the significance of belief.
Like Dimont, I do not necessitate any particular belief about God, and I am not supporting or refuting Anselm's argument. God is not my focus. Belief is my focus.
Beliefs, whether we share them or not, shape our actions, and our actions shape our history.
This brings me to why beliefs matter in our interpersonal relationships. Those with whom you interact--those whose histories are inevitably intertwined with your own--are going to have some inaccurate beliefs. Likewise, you are going to have some inaccurate beliefs. As we engage in relationship, you will have to evaluate how significant the accuracy of a belief is in each situation. Consider the following:
Some inaccurate beliefs need to be corrected promptly
Correcting inaccurate beliefs is of paramount importance when safety is a concern. For example, your friend has dived into a river a hundred times before, and is about to dive in again, operating on the belief that the water level has not significantly dropped. Pointing out the lower water level could save her life. Correct her right away and with zeal.
Some inaccurate beliefs should be corrected as soon as possible
Inaccurate beliefs can affect relationships, academic or career choices. For example, your partner may believe that you do not find him as attractive as you used to because you are temporarily withholding some physical aspect of your relationship. Your reason for doing this is actually because of a medical issue that you are allowing to heal, and aren't anxious to tell him about. To prevent him from suffering feelings of rejection or dissatisfaction, I'd encourage you to tell him about the medical issue. It may be embarrassing to you, but it will save him the needless heartache while you heal.
Not all inaccurate beliefs need to be corrected by you
Transitioning beliefs from inaccurate to accurate can be a journey for the believer, and I am hopefully not the first to tell you that the journey, in many regards, means more than the destination. You are going to encounter other people's inaccurate beliefs, and while they might value you as a listener or sojourner, they may prefer not listening to you nitpick and correct all their beliefs before they have had a chance to reevaluate them. For example, your dad might believe the news channel he religiously watches is offering an unbiased presentation of the news. You could argue that a different station actually does that, or you could argue that no station or source does that. Alternatively, you could avoid conflict by letting your dad continue in his belief until a local story with which he is familiar is covered in an evidently biased way. At that time, he might change his belief. Doing so would be entirely up to him, and the two of you will have avoided unnecessary conflict.
Your beliefs might not be as accurate as you believe they are
The possibility of your own inaccuracy is the most important and probably the most difficult consideration when discussing beliefs. Leaders or sources of information who are accustomed to encouraging their audiences to believe particular things come under considerable scrutiny for this, but it is really something we all have to take seriously. Your point of view is a construct of lens and scene. If you have a smudge on your lens, you are going to see it in front of you, and you may mistake it for something in the scene. You could be operating on the belief that your lens is perfectly reliable and that it cannot get smudges or blind spots. Consider our above examples again:
The friend diving into the river does not consider the water level, but also does not realize that she is not considering it. That is a blind spot in her point of view.
Your partner, who takes your limited physical affection personally, does not consider alternative reasons why you would be acting that way. His believed reason is of his own creation, and he is not aware that he has invented this reason. That is a smudge on the lens of how he sees the situation, and how he sees you.
Your dad believes his news source is being honest when they call themselves unbiased. He trusts them completely.
It is important to consider when it is appropriate to correct another person's beliefs because nitpicking and constantly correcting can annoy, upset, or hurt the other person. In this, I consider the golden rule. Is this the type of situation in which I would really appreciate being corrected, or is it a type of situation in which I would want the space and freedom to figure it out for myself? I want to be conscientious in giving others what I would want. On the other hand, I need to appreciate that those around me may have different opinions or temperaments regarding when correction is wanted. It pays to know what they want, and give that to them if or when appropriate.
Regardless of whether the beliefs are accurate or inaccurate, though, I find it important and helpful to remember that beliefs, whether we share them or not, shape our actions, and our actions shape our history. Therefore, I try to always consider beliefs when evaluating another person's actions.
Years before reading Dimont's history of the Jews, I sat in a philosophy class that covered debates regarding the existence of God. Our instructor presented Anselm's ontological argument that God, as the supreme being, is the greatest thing that can be conceived. Anselm's argument looked something like this:
(Belief + Existence) > Belief
Our instructor then went on to present the counter argument, saying that it was not philosophically sound to compare something to nothing. Listening to his explanation, I became troubled, because I found that the argument was reduced to this:
(Nothing + Something) > Nothing
Existence is something. We can agree there. However, the assumption that beliefs are nothing is something I found very troubling. I would wrestle with this for years until I picked up Max Dimont's history of the Jews. His explanation for how God, as a belief, shaped history spoke to my troubled mind and brought me clarity on the issue of the significance of belief.
Like Dimont, I do not necessitate any particular belief about God, and I am not supporting or refuting Anselm's argument. God is not my focus. Belief is my focus.
Beliefs, whether we share them or not, shape our actions, and our actions shape our history.
This brings me to why beliefs matter in our interpersonal relationships. Those with whom you interact--those whose histories are inevitably intertwined with your own--are going to have some inaccurate beliefs. Likewise, you are going to have some inaccurate beliefs. As we engage in relationship, you will have to evaluate how significant the accuracy of a belief is in each situation. Consider the following:
Some inaccurate beliefs need to be corrected promptly
Correcting inaccurate beliefs is of paramount importance when safety is a concern. For example, your friend has dived into a river a hundred times before, and is about to dive in again, operating on the belief that the water level has not significantly dropped. Pointing out the lower water level could save her life. Correct her right away and with zeal.
Some inaccurate beliefs should be corrected as soon as possible
Inaccurate beliefs can affect relationships, academic or career choices. For example, your partner may believe that you do not find him as attractive as you used to because you are temporarily withholding some physical aspect of your relationship. Your reason for doing this is actually because of a medical issue that you are allowing to heal, and aren't anxious to tell him about. To prevent him from suffering feelings of rejection or dissatisfaction, I'd encourage you to tell him about the medical issue. It may be embarrassing to you, but it will save him the needless heartache while you heal.
Not all inaccurate beliefs need to be corrected by you
Transitioning beliefs from inaccurate to accurate can be a journey for the believer, and I am hopefully not the first to tell you that the journey, in many regards, means more than the destination. You are going to encounter other people's inaccurate beliefs, and while they might value you as a listener or sojourner, they may prefer not listening to you nitpick and correct all their beliefs before they have had a chance to reevaluate them. For example, your dad might believe the news channel he religiously watches is offering an unbiased presentation of the news. You could argue that a different station actually does that, or you could argue that no station or source does that. Alternatively, you could avoid conflict by letting your dad continue in his belief until a local story with which he is familiar is covered in an evidently biased way. At that time, he might change his belief. Doing so would be entirely up to him, and the two of you will have avoided unnecessary conflict.
Your beliefs might not be as accurate as you believe they are
The possibility of your own inaccuracy is the most important and probably the most difficult consideration when discussing beliefs. Leaders or sources of information who are accustomed to encouraging their audiences to believe particular things come under considerable scrutiny for this, but it is really something we all have to take seriously. Your point of view is a construct of lens and scene. If you have a smudge on your lens, you are going to see it in front of you, and you may mistake it for something in the scene. You could be operating on the belief that your lens is perfectly reliable and that it cannot get smudges or blind spots. Consider our above examples again:
The friend diving into the river does not consider the water level, but also does not realize that she is not considering it. That is a blind spot in her point of view.
Your partner, who takes your limited physical affection personally, does not consider alternative reasons why you would be acting that way. His believed reason is of his own creation, and he is not aware that he has invented this reason. That is a smudge on the lens of how he sees the situation, and how he sees you.
Your dad believes his news source is being honest when they call themselves unbiased. He trusts them completely.
It is important to consider when it is appropriate to correct another person's beliefs because nitpicking and constantly correcting can annoy, upset, or hurt the other person. In this, I consider the golden rule. Is this the type of situation in which I would really appreciate being corrected, or is it a type of situation in which I would want the space and freedom to figure it out for myself? I want to be conscientious in giving others what I would want. On the other hand, I need to appreciate that those around me may have different opinions or temperaments regarding when correction is wanted. It pays to know what they want, and give that to them if or when appropriate.
Regardless of whether the beliefs are accurate or inaccurate, though, I find it important and helpful to remember that beliefs, whether we share them or not, shape our actions, and our actions shape our history. Therefore, I try to always consider beliefs when evaluating another person's actions.
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Chuck Wendig: terribleminds
Chuck Wendig deserves our attention.
"Chuck Wendig is a novelist, screenwriter, and game designer. This is his blog. He talks a lot about writing. And food. And the madness of toddlers. He uses lots of naughty language. NSFW. Probably NSFL. Be advised."
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Heinlein on Freedom
"I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." - Robert A. Heinlein
"You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once." - Robert A. Heinlein
"You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once." - Robert A. Heinlein
Monday, September 1, 2014
WritersTalk and South Bay Writers
I have the exciting privilege of having one of my recently short stories published in the September issue of WritersTalk.
If you are a writer in the South Bay, check out South Bay Writers. Consider joining us for an open mic one evening. Or, come to our monthly regular dinner at Harry's Hofbrau to listen to interesting and informative guess speakers.
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